Well, this shoudnt come as a surprise to me cause i have been expecting it to arrive this weekend. But somehow, no matter how mentally prepared you are, when you are facing the real deal, we will still lose our cool somehow. I didnt really had the excitement of opening the letter cause thanks to my mum.. who was way too anxious and excited bout the whole thing open it immediately as soon as she got hold of it. ..=.=..at tat time i was out in one stop when i receive this text.." jan..you got inti nilai for a year and 4 years in us"..i was totaly shock..cause it was way way way beyond my expectations..inti nilai was in negeri sembilan..i thought kl would have been bad enuff coz i was hoping for penang..bt nilai was just too much..plus its some ulu place far from civilization..i wont be surprise if there were orang asli jumping from tree to tree in the middle of the nite too..so basicaly..it was a really down moment for me..honestly..my eyes were teary..but thx god no one saw it..=)..bt i was cheered up by the 4 years in US plan and getting bout 1000USD per month when im over there..=D..at least there was something for me to look forward too..
Having said all that, it all boils down to the fact that im still leaving..no matter where im send to ( excluding penang)..i will still have to leave my friends and family..althought i noe we can still keep in touch through msn..hp and all tat but it will never be the same again..we wont be able to hang out as often anymore..wont be able to go out for coffee sessions and just talk..wont be able to hear their jokes..i noe i sound like a baby right now and i got to grow up but i guess i gota blame it all on insecurities..im scared of losing everyone around me and that we will become strangers one day..this is my biggest fear and it haunts me in my nitemares..
But i thank god for everything that he has bless me..all my prayers have been answered..from acheiving straight A's to obtaning a scholarship to study overseas..dis was something i only dreamt of..never in my life thought it would ever happened coz of some financial difficulties..my mum always tell me.."you are made for great things..with everything that has been plan out for u..you are destine to acheive greatness"..its so so scary whenever she says that..what if i dont meet up to her expectations?..what if i let everyone around me down?..the pressure will always be there..no matter when..where..or what..its always easier to let urself down den to let others down..dont you agree?
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