Readers, please feel free to skip this post. I assure you its nothing interesting. Just full of words and pessimistic thoughts.
Freaking paranoia...
My confidence level is officially zero. Thanks to you (paranoia).
I turned down my role as a presenter just because I was scared to screw up. Wth Jan!
Telling myself: It's just a presentation. Read your lines. Explain the facts. Then done. Its not like you haven't done anything like this before.
At some point, I actually do feel extremely confident. For instance, yesterday night after bathing, I was super optimistic, even excited to present because I knew everything would turn out fine. Sometimes, I even enjoy presenting. Such as last year's sociology trials, I was actually nervous while waiting for my turn. But when I got to the stand, the "me" just came into action, I was excited, happy to present my side of the story to the jury. Being able to tackle back those questions posed by the opposing team was awesome. I was on top of the world. Proud of myself that I didn't screw up.
But then, there are other "bad" memories such as my ENL presentation. Though one of my group mate said I did a good job, but I knew, I didn't. It wasn't my best. I miss out on lots of points and I just wanted my part to end asap. I even felt "bored" to present my part.
Then, today, after watching all the presenters, I got intimidated again. If it was just me on the line, I would be fine with it. But knowing that every group members' grade is on the line, and the fact that I wasn't the best choice, led me to "paranoia" again.
And so, even though I'm not presenting anymore, I don't feel relieve, more like I've disappointed myself and the group. In the end, I'm just a coward. A coward who's scared that others would screw up just because of me.
Now I know why I dreaded taking up this scholarship when I first got it,
I'm just not good enough.
It has been proven.
Freaking paranoia...
My confidence level is officially zero. Thanks to you (paranoia).
I turned down my role as a presenter just because I was scared to screw up. Wth Jan!
Telling myself: It's just a presentation. Read your lines. Explain the facts. Then done. Its not like you haven't done anything like this before.
At some point, I actually do feel extremely confident. For instance, yesterday night after bathing, I was super optimistic, even excited to present because I knew everything would turn out fine. Sometimes, I even enjoy presenting. Such as last year's sociology trials, I was actually nervous while waiting for my turn. But when I got to the stand, the "me" just came into action, I was excited, happy to present my side of the story to the jury. Being able to tackle back those questions posed by the opposing team was awesome. I was on top of the world. Proud of myself that I didn't screw up.
But then, there are other "bad" memories such as my ENL presentation. Though one of my group mate said I did a good job, but I knew, I didn't. It wasn't my best. I miss out on lots of points and I just wanted my part to end asap. I even felt "bored" to present my part.
Then, today, after watching all the presenters, I got intimidated again. If it was just me on the line, I would be fine with it. But knowing that every group members' grade is on the line, and the fact that I wasn't the best choice, led me to "paranoia" again.
And so, even though I'm not presenting anymore, I don't feel relieve, more like I've disappointed myself and the group. In the end, I'm just a coward. A coward who's scared that others would screw up just because of me.
Now I know why I dreaded taking up this scholarship when I first got it,
I'm just not good enough.
It has been proven.
Can't you just pretend to be happy for me?
.jpg)
No comments:
Post a Comment